The Nine of Wands is a card that can bring a few lessons with it, including patience in the face of frustrations. Whilst this may sound like an easy thing to do, there is a bit more to it, because the Nine of Wands also signifies defensiveness which may be your own or on the part of someone else. With this in mind you have to carefully navigate your best way forward, so you don't push too hard and find yourself in the situation you were trying to avoid in the first place.
You may have been giving a lot of yourself to a situation and expected the same in return. However, what seems fair to you may not seem fair to the other person. There is no use trying to push the other person if they are the one being portrayed as the Nine of Wands, because they will become more defensive, introspective and sullen than they already are... if that is possible. To blindly rush in and think you can fix things could very well be the destruction of what you are trying to save.
The Nine of Wands needs careful planning to get around, which does not involve acting as if you are stirring up a hornet's nest. It needs patience and sometimes disinterest on your part in the form of pulling back, alongside acting as if you do not care at all what the other person is doing.
Whilst this may look as if you are uncaring, it is in fact the opposite, as you are showing you have the understanding to give the other person space while they navigate their own way out of their mood. In doing so, you will have them come back to you stronger, more open and hopefully faster than if you go in there trying to get them to talk things through.